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Server Time: 8/28/2008 11:13:06 PM PACIFIC |
 TIRED OF WINNING?, ALAN THE AMATEUR, 29. Nov 2003 00:49 | ||
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| ALAN THE AMATEUR LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF. I AM ALAN THE AMATEUR! WHILE READING THIS FORUM IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION, THAT TOO MUCH EMPHASIS HAS BEEN PUT ON EXPERT PLAY. ALAN UNDERSTANDS THAT NOT EVERYONE HAS THE AMBITION TO BECOME AN "EXPERT" POKER PLAYER. THERE SEEMS TO BE A GREAT NEED FOR MY PEDESTRIAN ADVICE! IF YOU ARE A LOSING PLAYER OR EVEN A WINNING PLAYER, AND YOU LONG FOR BETTER DAYS, WELL THEN YOUR TIME HAS COME! LISTEN UP AND LISTEN WELL, FOR I ALAN THE AMATEUR WILL GUARANTEE THAT IF YOU HEED MY ADVICE, YOU WILL BECOME A BREAKEVEN PLAYER! YES YOU HEARD THAT CORRECTLY. ALAN CAN MAKE YOU (YES YOU) REGARDLESS OF YOUR WIN RATE OR YOUR STANDARD DEVIATION... A BREAKEVEN PLAYER! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU LEFT THE CASINO UP OR DOWN MONEY? HAVEN'T YOU HAD ENOUGH OF THE FLUCTUATIONS, NOT KNOWING WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE GOING TO WIN OR LOSE MONEY FOR THE DAY? ISN'T IT TIME TO SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! ALL OF MY STUDENTS HAVE BENEFITTED FROM MY COMMONPLACE KNOWLEDGE. ON OCCASION, I ALAN THE AMATEUR DO DONATE MY SERVICES AS AN MIDDLING INSTRUCTOR BUT ALAN MOSTLY RELIES ON THEIR GRATITUDE. TO DATE, I HAVE RECEIVED SIX BICYCLES, A COUCH, TWO USED CEILING FANS, A DOZEN MOVIES (BETA) AND A NORGE. BUT UPON READING THE THREADS IN THIS FORUM, I ALAN THE AMATEUR HAVE BECOME INSPIRED! I AM GOING TO OFFER MY ADVICE FREE OF CHARGE! PEOPLE HAVE ACTUALLY GIVEN ME STUFF FOR MY ADVICE (DID I MENTION THE NORGE?), YET HERE I AM READY TO GIVE IT AWAY!!!! ALL ALAN REQUESTS IS THAT YOU SHOW PROPER RESPECT FOR A PLAYER OF MY LEVEL OF MEDIOCRITY, AND THEN YOU TOO CAN BENEFIT FROM MY KNOWLEDGE AND BECOME A RUN-OF-THE-MILL PLAYER, PERHAPS EVEN SECOND RATE. ONE OF MY STUDENTS, WHO HAS SURPASSED MY MIDDLING PLAY, HAS BECOME EVEN MORE UNEXCEPTIONAL THAN ALAN! HE HAS BROKE EVEN FOR TWELVE YEARS STRAIGHT! HIS BEST STREAK WAS 56 BALANCED SESSIONS IN A ROW, MARRED ONLY BY A SMALL WIN ON THE 57TH TIME OUT!!! ALAN WANTS TO ESPECIALLY THANK MIKE CARO AND ROY COOKE FOR ALLOWING HIM TO STAY ON THIS FORUM. THEIR INPUT, WHILE COMING STRAIGHT FROM THEIR HEARTS, IS EXPERT AND MAY CAUSE YOU TO WIN. DON'T HOLD THEIR SUCCESS IN POKER AGAINST THEM. ALAN IS NOT SAYING THIS TO KISS THEIR BUTTS, FOR ALAN WILL ONLY GIVE YOU ORDINARY ADVICE AND HAS NO ALTERIOR MOTIVES! PLEASE QUICKLY SEND FANMAIL TO ME...ALAN THE AMATEUR OR I WILL FOREVER DEPRIVE YOU OF MY PASSABLE ADVICE! ALANOFALABAMA@HOTMAIL.COM | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, 4 POKER, 29. Nov 2003 01:12 | ||
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| YES! Finally someone who can help me! ALAN, I am so tired of winning and I will heed your advice, I promise. I also promise to send you lots of fan mail and just to show you my appreciation in advance- I will send you my most prized possession. It's an Apple PC and I have treasured it for many years. Gratefully, 4 POKER | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, Easy E, 30. Nov 2003 19:34 | ||
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| The one with the frozen capslock button? 4P, I'll pay you big money for that instead! | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, 4 POKER, 30. Nov 2003 20:44 | ||
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| Hmmm, well this puts me in a bit of a dilemma then. After all, I was going to send it to ALAN as a token of my appreciation. However, I do have some other valuable treasures I could send his way, so make me an offer Easy E and I'll see what I can do! (lol)! 4P- | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, Pale Ale, 29. Nov 2003 01:40 | ||
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| Hi Alan. Finally! Someone who understands the misery of not knowing whether I am going to win or lose on any given day. While I don't have a computer to send you, I could send my collection of poker books. I have a feeling that I will no longer be needing them. For once I feel that I am at peace with poker. Thank you for being an average player and your willingness to share your knowledge with us. Respectfully...Pale Ale | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, Angel, 29. Nov 2003 02:05 | ||
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| OMG, It is soooo about time. Please work on your spelling though, I saw no errors. *g* | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, ADAM THE EXPERT, 29. Nov 2003 02:17 | ||
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| YESTERDAY, I PREDICTED THAT SOME IMBICILE, WOULD ATTEMPT TO COPY ME, OR IN THIS CASE, PARODY ME. WHY DON'T YOU BE ORIGINAL, DIPSHIRT. ADAM THE EXPERT HAS THE BEST ADVICE, IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD OF POKER, AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU ATTEMPT TO COPY/MAKE FUN OF, ME THAT FACT WILL NEVER CHANGE A.T.E. | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, MozMan, 29. Nov 2003 03:29 | ||
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| on 29. Nov 2003 02:17 ADAM THE EXPERT wrote: > A.T.E. I thought ADAM didn't like abbreviations? ;^) -Moz "Hey! You made me ink!" | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, Dr_Monkey, 2. Dec 2003 09:17 | ||
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| > "Hey! You made me ink!" Finding Nemo??? | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, MozMan, 2. Dec 2003 20:13 | ||
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| :) Yup! -Moz "I bent my wookie..." | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, Dr_Monkey, 3. Dec 2003 09:06 | ||
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| on 2. Dec 2003 20:13 MozMan wrote: > :) Yup! > > -Moz > > "I bent my wookie..." So you throw another one out? That's not very nice, Ralphie "My cat's breath smells like catfood" is my favorite | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, MozMan, 3. Dec 2003 17:39 | ||
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| Great catch! :^) My favorite Simpson's quote overall is Homer's, "mmmm... open-faced-club-sand-wedge...." -Moz "I bent my wookie..." | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, Dr_Monkey, 5. Dec 2003 04:34 | ||
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| > My favorite Simpson's quote overall is Homer's, "mmmm... open-faced-club-sand-wedge...." LOL. My friend and me use that one all the time when we are golfing. Don't forget the drooling/gurggling sound. My favorite is "mmmmm, solent green....gurggle gurggle" | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, MozMan, 5. Dec 2003 22:31 | ||
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| :) Another of my favorites is the following (especially as the timing is impeccible): Homer skids the car to a stop, and hits/knocks over a statue of a deer in a park, and the following dialog is heard rapidfire: Homer: "D'oh!" Marge: "A deer!" Lisa: "A female deer..." -Moz "I bent my wookie..." | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, Blade, 29. Nov 2003 09:34 | ||
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| Lighten up | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, Blade, 29. Nov 2003 09:33 | ||
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| That maybe the funniest post of all time. | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, Aisthesis, 29. Nov 2003 11:47 | ||
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| lmao!!!! to Adam: Didn't someone say something like "Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery"? | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, Jordan, 1. Dec 2003 11:47 | ||
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| i think it's imitation is the highest form of flattery, hehe this is a funny, funny post | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, Flakes, 29. Nov 2003 16:51 | ||
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| A sure fire way to lose your poker winnings?....Head on out to the Blackjack pit. Works every time! | ||
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| Re: TIRED OF WINNING?, LJH, 11. Dec 2003 17:14 | ||
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| ALAN, THIS USED TO BE A SERIOUS FORUM UNTIL ADAM AND YOU. PLEASE FIND ANOTHER HAUNT. LJH | ||
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