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Server Time: 11/23/2008 4:46:23 AM PACIFIC |
 When Good Things Happen to Stupid People, Bart Mann, 7. Nov 2003 06:31 | ||
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| I’ve been waiting all night to post this one. $10 x 10-way SNG last night on UB.com. There are four players left and three get paid. I’m the shortest stack at the table, but not by much, with about T1280 in chips. The blinds are 100/200, and for the last three hands in a row the chip leader (T5000) has been buying me off of the big blind with all-in bets. He’s not just pushing all in—he’s taking the time to bet exactly how much money I have left; as if he were daring me to call. On the fourth time around the table he does it again, but this time . . . he’s walked into a trap. I’m staring down at AA—Big Poppa, baby! I figure my opponent has called with Ax, maybe a middle pair. Either way he’s dominated. I quickly call. My AA is exposed, along with his . . . . T4 offsuit? I stare in amazement as I wonder why someone playing with real money would make a play like this. Was I that weak of a player? Was my table image such that he KNEW I would fold to any all-in bet? Obviously it was, or he never would have done it—right? But I can’t think about that right now. Slot machines are going off in my head, dead relatives are coming back to life to congratulate me and all of the girls who dumped me in high school are calling back to tell me how stupid they were. I may have torn a rotator cuff patting myself on the back, but I must play through the pain. Life is good. A retrospective look at the trusty old PokerStove software tells me that I was a 79.81% favorite at this point. The flop comes J-7-3. No help to either of us. It sure would have been nice to put him away right here with another bullet, but hey . . . I’ll get just as much pleasure out of watching this guy die slowly. He put me all in with T4 offsuit—he deserves it. The PokerStove time machine is now at 88.15% in my favor. The turn comes, and the board now looks like this: J-7-3-6 Ha! Still no help, and only one card left. I’m already doing the math in my head, and have calculated that when this hand is over I will be very close to second chip position, with momentum on my side. My $10 entry fee will at least double, and maybe—just maybe—I could even win 50 bucks! It’s been awhile since I’ve been this close to a nice payoff, and I welcome it with open arms. The River comes, and the board looks like this: J-7-3-6-5 Victory! I excitedly watch the screen as I wait for the animated “chip push” and associated sliding noise, which we all know is the only reason we play online poker. But wait . . . those chips are going the wrong way . . . they’re going over to HIM! Why? I take one more look at the board and realize he’s pulled something off that even the great street magician David Blaine couldn’t have accomplished. Using only the unsuited 4 in his hand, my opponent has drawn to and made an inside straight on the river. Without logging out of UB or even shutting down the computer, I pull the power chord out of the wall and sulk off to bed. It is now official—Poker hates me. | ||
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