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Server Time: 11/21/2008 6:16:32 PM PACIFIC |
 one-liners, PokerDude, 24. Jun 2003 13:33 | ||
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| I am gonna start a list of one-liners... maybe turn it into a book. i'll start. "I haven't had this much crap in my hands since i ran out of toilet paper" "nice hand, did you just get a manicure?" "I haven't seen a hand that nice since I was at the hand models convention last week" "I haven't seen a hand like that since my momma slapped me silly and called me stupid.....or did she slap me stupid and call me silly." | ||
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| Re: one-liners, Big_Slick, 24. Jun 2003 14:14 | ||
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| "You obviously stayed at a Holiday Inn last night" (requires some thought... they will look at you like "what the??") | ||
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| Re: one-liners, PokerDude, 24. Jun 2003 14:21 | ||
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| that's what i was doin.... lol i'm slow, but i don't get it... i haven't slept all night, tho... do poker players ever sleep?? | ||
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| Re: one-liners, Big_Slick, 24. Jun 2003 14:26 | ||
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| If you've never seen the Holiday Inn commercials, it will totally fly over your head. But when the person says "what?", you can say "I thought you were a real poker player, but you obviously stayed at a Holiday Inn last night." | ||
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| Re: one-liners, flintsword, 24. Jun 2003 14:41 | ||
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| "The last time I saw this many bad hands was the Shoplifter's Convention in Las Vegas" is my favourite. Recently I won a pot from a guy that lives and breathes bluffs, who complained that he "couldn't move me off a hand with a bulldozer". I though it was a strange comment but still sounded funny. "If the rivets on the Titanic were as tight as this table, ... the iceberg would have sunk." That's my contribution to the list. flintsword | ||
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| Re: one-liners, MozMan, 24. Jun 2003 15:02 | ||
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| Here's one I think I posted once before: "Where else do you shop? Cuz you're buying an awful lot of pots here." -Moz "Truly, you have a dizzying intellect." | ||
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| Re: one-liners, hudson, 25. Jun 2003 08:43 | ||
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| It's the wrong side of two last night and I am doing my utilitarian best to rid the table of this drunk and tone-deaf Banana Republic Mannequin, who had been guzzling bottles of Michelob Ultra (what else) for hours, pulling just enough miracles out of his cargo pants to convince himself that he actually knew what he was doing and convince me that Matt Damon should be executed. Anyhow, I finally felted him when his river ran dry and he stares at me with his glossy eyes--they looked like freshly Zambonied hockey rinks--and barks out something that resembled English, although I did detect a "Bullsh**" and a "Fu** You". Now, I am usually loath to say anything smug to anyone for any reason while sitting at the table, but since I quit drinking I have become rather sanctimonious, so I turned to him and said flatly: "You play poker like a lemming." Right off the cliff and right over his inflated-trust-fund-loaded-brand-whore head. | ||
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| Re: one-liners, PokerDude, 25. Jun 2003 08:47 | ||
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| i've read this and another one of your stories..... i like them. great storytelling. Officially Licensed Dude | ||
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| Re: one-liners, Mike Bandy, 25. Jun 2003 04:12 | ||
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| If you want to get a professional poker player off your porch, pay him for the pizza. I can't remember where I saw this -- maybe on this forum. -- Mike Bandy | ||
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| Re: one-liners, FiveV, 25. Jun 2003 05:45 | ||
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| "I must be Irish cuz I keep Dublin my money" | ||
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| Re: one-liners, PokerDude, 25. Jun 2003 08:01 | ||
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| Justification of folding after river... "Much like the tinman, I needed a heart" GatchMan Officially Licensed Dude | ||
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| Re: one-liners, Wren, 25. Jun 2003 08:12 | ||
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| "So when ya gonna write your book, 'Drawing Dead and Getting there'?" or, alternatively, "So when ya gonna write your book, 'Bluffin' into the nuts'?" :O) | ||
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| Re: one-liners, stdioh, 25. Jun 2003 08:14 | ||
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| Drawing Dead and Getting There was the title of a cardplayer Roy Cooke article ... and a good one too. | ||
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| Re: one-liners, PokerDude, 25. Jun 2003 08:18 | ||
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| I was thinking of the title "Nice Nuts" Officially Licensed Dude | ||
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| Re: one-liners, Risky Business, 25. Jun 2003 08:28 | ||
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| How 'bout "The biggest pair you've ever played with" (Ok boys, enough kibitzing, let's get back to poker) on 25. Jun 2003 08:18 PokerDude wrote: > I was thinking of the title > > "Nice Nuts" > > > > Officially Licensed Dude | ||
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| Re: one-liners, Big_Slick, 25. Jun 2003 08:31 | ||
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| How about "My nuts is bigger than your nuts" or "When your nuts just don't hold up" | ||
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| Re: one-liners, stdioh, 25. Jun 2003 10:29 | ||
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| How about "Getting your nuts busted by a loose fish." | ||
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| Re: one-liners, Wren, 25. Jun 2003 11:02 | ||
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| What was that one you said to Neil? Something about having only one nut? Though, if I recall correctly, it was completely non-poker-related :O) | ||
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| Re: one-liners, stdioh, 25. Jun 2003 12:04 | ||
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| Neil said, "I'd give my middle nut to see what your cards were," and I said, "I don't know if anybody's told you yet Neil, but the little one in the middle is your dick." | ||
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| Re: one-liners, stdioh, 25. Jun 2003 08:13 | ||
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| This really does belong in not quite poker. "I've got a hand like a foot." | ||
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| Re: one-liners, PokerDude, 25. Jun 2003 08:50 | ||
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| thank you everyone for the laughs... don't know how many times i had to glue my ass back on after laughing it off. If I ever get off of this damn internet poker and get the book goin', I'll let everyone know..... funny chit...... Officially Licensed Dude | ||
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